Richard Desmond has tried withdrawing sustenance, but still the old girl clings on, so now he's thinking of putting her in another home. That could be the best news for half a century - if she can get on with her new housemates.
Are the Trinity Mirror negotiations serious? Is the Star included in the package? What about competition considerations?
If the Star were part of any deal, then Trinity Mirror would own four national dailies and four Sundays (including the Daily Record and Sunday Mail) on top of big-hitting locals such as the Liverpool Echo. That's quite a lot. Even Rupert Murdoch maxed out at three dailies and two Sundays in the old days of Today's brief life and again with the freebie London Paper.
One imagines that should the talks get that far, the key for the CMA would be what Trinity intended to do with the papers and whether there was any prospect of another buyer appearing.
When Murdoch bought Today there was much huffing and puffing, but it came down to a straight choice between sale to him or closure. The general feeling has tended to be we're better off with a newspaper than seeing it fold. The Express and Star newspapers are still in profit - hence the NUJ's horror at last year's cuts - so there is no immediate reason for them to die.
It would probably be best all round if a new player came into the market to take over the papers, but there doesn't seem to have been a rush since Desmond started seeking a buyer at the end of last year.
There is little point in worrying overmuch about what "Express readers" would or wouldn't like. There are still half a million buyers, which is not to be sniffed at, but they are a dwindling band. Instant radical change would be foolhardy, but a long-term transition to a new home on the political spectrum, leaving the strident right-wingery to the Mail, would be great for everyone.
We could really do with a slightly left-of-centre (dare I say Blairite?) whitetop with the middle-market instincts of the Mail, but with an understanding that most women don't have the luxury of being stay-at-home mothers who spend the day baking cakes for shiny diligent children who call them Mummy. The i almost meets this market, the Mirror is an out-and-out redtop, and the Independent counts as a broadsheet in this context.
In the short-term, with the expertise of Mirror staff to hand, there is no reason why the Express couldn't be turned into something slicker relatively quickly. It's all about changing the mindset and giving the staff freedom to express themselves. Go cold turkey on the health stories, leave weather forecasting to the Met Office, and soft-pedal the politics.
For those who think there is no way the Express and Mirror could live side by side, maybe the collage below of the two papers' coverage of one particular subject last year will demonstrate that there is at least some common ground.
The Mirror has also offered what could be seen as an early sign of solidarity with a big puff yesterday on another of the Express's favourite subjects: the safety or otherwise of statins.
All this said, though, the ideal would still be for an outside buyer to come forward and take over the Madeleine McCann house journal. There is one organisation that has been vociferous about the failings of the mainstream Press over the past five years, an organisation that has the support of (and is probably influenced by) Kate and Gerry McCann. Maybe it would be the ideal owner for the Express.
Step forward Hacked Off. Why not put your money where your mouth is?
hurrah for the Daily Star, whose splash today asks a question that has been troubled many of us for years. Why has a contingent of London police officers been assigned to an investigation that is entirely outside their jurisdiction? Even without the financial considerations, the notion that British officers are bound to do a better job than those on the scene in Portugal is offensively imperialistic.
Of course the recovery of Madeleine McCann would be the biggest story of the year, but the McCanns, the Met and the media need to get real. It's unlikely to happen. It's time to call a halt to this pantomime.