Good to know that the sarcasm machine is still well-oiled.
Obediently following the instruction to "See page 7", we found three more pictures of the actress and a story from the "Mail Foreign Service".
Good to know that it wasn't too busy with ebola or Isis.
Hair swept up in a messy bun, Renee Zellweger’s fresh-faced appearance dispels any notion that her recent change of look was merely the result of make-up.
Spotted for the first time since her headline-grabbing transformation, the actress appeared somewhat tired and anxious as she ran errands over the weekend in Mississippi.
Headline-grabbing transformation? Ouch. Transformation, that is, from the "puffy rounded cheeks and pout" for which she was previously known. Double ouch.
The Express also ran into the actress out and about during breaks in filming a new movie, which both papers dutifully name. But Laura Holland saw her through differently tinted spectacles:
Bridget Jones actress Renee Zellwegger is looking more like her normal self after rumours she had cosmetic surgery...
The 45-year-old was much more recognisable...wearing casual clothes and her blonde hair stylishly scraped into a bun...
Is Holland convinced?
Yet the Jerry Maguire actress was almost unrecognisable - with her super line-free forehead, altered brow and puffy face.
Confused? You bet. So were the subs. The contradictory headlines play nicely against each other - but not with the copy underneath. And that's the general idea.